In this week’s Share&Inspire I’ll tackle a topic I’ve been struggling with for nearly 20 years: my weight. If you like yoyos, you should come and watch me, going up and down from fat to fail. When it comes to my weight, I often feel completely out of control, despite all the awareness that I have cultivated in the past few years.
I can still remember the time when my late grandfather used to say: ‘Are you eating enough?’ That was 25 years ago. A quarter of a century later I am overweight, with a BMI of over 27. I look like a 3-month pregnant. The scientist in me is now wondering from what point on I will develop my own gravity field as my mass continues to increase.
I’ll admit it right away: I hate it.
Fat fight fail
Since the first day I noticed my belly going curvy, I saddled my horse and rode out to battle the unwanted kilos. That battle is still going on. I’ve had some successes. Earlier this year I was able to loose 10 kilos in 3 months time, from 88 to 78. But the kilos fought back and now I am close to touching the 90 kg.
My wife, who is so light that when she sneezes, she flies away, says: ‘You eat too much’. Well, I knew that! According to her, my portions are too big. ‘You could do with half of what you eat.’ That is true. But what is also true is that I am not even eating half of what I could eat. I’d be a whale if I’d eat what I wanted.
Hunger in the world
So, how hard can it be to eat 3 healthy, normal-sized meals a day? I’ll tell you: it’s hard! I am hungry all the time. Even if we could feed all the poor kids in Africa and elsewhere, there would still be hunger in the world: in my stomach. And meals? It’s not just the meals. It’s also what goes in between meals.
And yes, I sometimes have the feeling that it is not fair. I try my best, but life is against me. Or how else to explain that I love all foods, except for grapefruit, which is poison? I love the healthy stuff and I love the not so healthy stuff. I also believe it is impolite not to finish your plate or not to accept a second plate when offered. And since I am firmly against throwing away food, I dedicate myself to cleaning my children’s plates when there’s something left. Is it my fault that I am a well-educated person with principles?
Please note that the above, while true, is meant ironically. I am mocking myself, even if that is exactly the way it often feels. I do feel a victim of my appetite. And it’s also not fair that other people remain skinny even though they seem to eat as much as I do.
Before I go –it’s almost noon and I’m hungry- I should ask the question what YAYOM has to say about this. I’ve already tried some things, like building awareness of the moments I cross the limits. Sometimes that works, many times it doesn’t. I’ve even patched a red sticker to the cupboard door behind which I can hear to cookies call my name. That worked…for one day. Now I don’t see that sticker anymore. But I can still hear the cookies.
Needless to say that I feel like a failure when it comes to eating. So, please, YAYOM, say something I can use to reload my batteries with the mental energy that I need to fight my battle against the kilos.
Curious what YAYOM has to say about it? Come back on Sunday, that’s when you will find a full YAYOM analysis. Have a similar experience? Share it and let me know how you handle it. I’ll be happy to be inspired.